Anything worth having is worth working for and must be worked towards. “Having more money” (it makes it easier to buy things, but doesn’t bring love.);

Owning “a bigger house” (unless you have the money to hire a housekeeper, it will only keep you from your love while you are cleaning.); “If I were better looking.” (Beauty really is in the eyes of the beholder. I have seen “less than perfect” people with “stunning” mates.” It really is about how you feel about yourself inside that will reflect outside.) All of these superfluous externals are fun, but don’t bring happiness or peace in a relationship.

Some of the richest people in the world with every luxury at their finger tips and people at their beck and call still have the nastiest divorces time and time again. Isn’t that a great example and lesson to all of us “not so fortunate” people who aren’t blessed with their lives and the kind of money they posses; that money doesn’t make a relationship happy?

Time, effort and determination are what make a relationship thrive. I’m not implying those people with wealth don’t put the time and effort into their relationships, only that all the things many people say, “If only we had…” won’t make your relationships last longer or be happier than theirs were.

Some of the best relationships have several things in common, one of those being laughter and a humor about life not to mention a lot of hard work. These are always a common thread for every thriving and joyful relationship I encountered.

What the people in these relationships have always told is: Work hard; don’t lay your head on the pillow angry, and resolve hurtful situations right away. Fundamentally however, they laugh with each other every day and laugh often. But if your relationship is in the deep end of the pool without a life jacket, something that can help you light the love torch in your love life is Soul Gazing. Soul Gazing is the simple technique of gazing into your partner’s eyes. I usually recommend 15 minutes, but in the beginning, 4-5 minutes works.

You aren’t allowed to talk or look away from each other. I have witnessed Soul Gazing strengthen couples that were already on firm ground and help others on the brink of catastrophe.

To get the love you deserve, there is a very simple rule that I wrote about a while back: Love is a gift, it’s not a right. It’s is a decision, not a feeling. Make the choice to make your relationship strong so it will last the test of time and you too can have the long-lasting and profound love you deserve.”

But how do you achieve the perfect kiss? Each person has different feelings about the way they like to be kissed. A general rule for the first kiss is to be soft and brush their lips gently, without thrusting your tongue into your partner’s mouth as if you were playing tonsil hockey.

Once you are in a relationship, go outside your comfort zone and ask your partner what they think would be the perfect kiss. For many women, and men as well, it’s important to set the mood for the perfect kiss.

While rushing your loved one into a heated kiss when you first walk in the door after work can be very stimulating and arousing, using this method every time may cause your partner to withdraw.

Here are a few tips to help you:

First, you need to set the mood. Whether that means taking your arms, wrapping them around your partner and gazing into their eyes for even a brief time, putting on music that you both love and cuddling on the couch or dancing in the living room, just do it.

Once the mood is set, gently take your partner’s face into your hands, using one of them to gently run your fingers through their hair lovingly, then softly kiss the surface of their lips, not seeking anything deeper.

As soon as you have reached that moment, gently pull away to gaze into your partner’s eyes again for a brief moment before you venture to the lips again.

Next, gently rest your lips again on your partner’s, slowly taking them between yours in a soft sucking motion. Do this for a short time before you proceed to the next step.

Remember, whatever you do, don’t just thrust your tongue into your partner’s mouth upon first touch. Once you have achieved a massaging of their lips for a few minutes, gently glide your tongue into your partner’s mouth, letting it play with their tongue as if the two were dancing together.

Every so often (but not overdoing it), thrust your tongue deep into your partner’s mouth and then gently pull away to again mingle with their tongue. This move can be a very sexy and intoxicating move when used correctly and during the right moment in the kiss.

Don’t keep your tongue in your partner’s mouth for the entire time. Keep changing positions in the way you hold them, caressing your partner’s backside without making it a sexual overture and moving back and forth from dancing with their tongue to massaging their lips.

Caress your partner’s hair again; cradle them in your arms while you are gazing into your partner’s eyes, and then begin the kiss again. Once you get the hang of this, ask your partner what they like and don’t like again. Kissing is an art and each individual person has different preferences.

This is because words are very powerful and whatever you say can never be taken back. So try to follow a few basic steps when a heated argument arises in your life. Step back and don’t say a word until you have had a chance to process the situation. Try to really hear, not just listen to what the other person is saying. Even if you don’t agree with them, accept the fact that it’s how they feel; and you will go a long way if you hear what they are saying. Your partner will begin to feel validated and believe that you do care about their feelings.

Once you have listened to your partner’s side, offer to sit down to discuss the matter together. It’s important to use an even tone, no matter how angry you may be. Once you are seated, start asking questions about why your partner feels the way he/she does and listen to his/her response, again using an even tone. Be sincere. After you have listened carefully to your partner’s side, explain how you feel without acting as though you are trying to win a debate and annihilate them.

Ask your partner what he/she thinks a fair solution to the problem would be, and listen thoughtfully, continuing to look him/her in the eye. Tilting your head a bit to the side will give a non-verbal cue that you are even more interested in what your partner has to say. Tell your partner that you value his/her opinion and offer what you think a good solution might be if it should differ from his/hers, again using an even and sincere tone.

If there still remains a difference in opinion, try to come to some sort of compromise. You both may even need to walk away and think about some things for a while, agreeing that once you come back together you will come to some sort of compromise. Don’t let anything–children, phone calls or anything else–get in the way of coming back together for a resolution. If you let the problem go, it will only fester and explode into something bigger at a later date. Resolve it now!

If the problem is too large for both of you to find a compromise, you may need to seek someone from the outside–a wise friend, a counselor at your church or a professional counselor–to help you to come to a resolution. Whatever you both decide on, make sure that you follow through on the decision and not just brush it under the rug. Do what you say, say what you do!

If you don’t already have a woman or a man in your life, it may seem extraordinarily hard to meet the right person. Maybe you’ve done the online dating scene and found that it isn’t all that it’s hyped up to be. Often, the people involved (men and women) don’t measure up to their profiles or pictures. Because we have a select group of friends, we tend to see the same people at all the functions, B-B-Q’s, parties and other events. Same faces with the same stories that become all too familiar. So where do you meet compatible and available singles?

Before I go any further, let me preface this by stating something I am certain everyone has heard. Before you can find the “right person,” you must be the “right person.” Sound familiar? You can be given all the information you need to find someone, but if you are the same person with the same values and beliefs about yourself you have always held, you will attract the same. The law of attraction is: similar kinds attract similar kinds. So first you must get your own life together and stop putting out the “I’m desperate to be in a relationship, and if I just found one, I would calm down and be happy.” You need to calm down and be happy before you meet the right person or you will end up in the same cycle you have always been, “with the wrong person.”

Enough of that…let’s move on to the dating room. The dating room is a place I define where someone can go in order to meet other singles with similar interests. A good way to begin to find your dating room is to think about things that interest you (maybe you have always wanted to try skiing) or hobbies you already have. Once you do this, you can find a club that caters to people of that specific interest. All across America there are car clubs, sports clubs, dance clubs, checkers clubs, chess clubs, water-skiing clubs, snow clubs, dog clubs, you name it.

Once you have a few ideas written down, you can begin to gather the necessary information about the clubs or events that occur in your city or region. Look in your local newspaper for a variety of interesting options, including neighborhood picnics, fireman breakfasts, charity singles auctions (where dates with local men and women are auctioned off for charity), travel tours, public dances (ones not held in a bar or a pub, such as a beginner’s square dance), charity events or even a beginner’s salsa dance night. For dances, make sure that it’s not a “partner necessary” event by calling ahead.

Other search options are to type in your Internet Browser: www.citysearch.com to find out the local happenings in your area. Another effective way to meet someone would be to volunteer for a charity, such as the Special Olympics, Make-A-Wish Foundation, United Way or UNICEF, to name a few. It’s important to participate with sincerity, but you may also meet your soul mate there. You may find someone who will most likely have the same philanthropic views that you do.

Finally, while I don’t know anyone who has participated in the Singles International Club, I have heard of it. Check out your local chapter (search the Internet for specifics) as they hold dances and picnics for singles to meet. They also have the Singles Travel International Club. This is just a short list of good meeting places to get the ball rolling. However, no matter which place you choose to go, remember that in all of your approaches it’s best not to try to be “suave” or “debonair.” Be yourself. Smile so that your eyes shine and be genuine. You will go much further if you behave in a kind manner than if you put on an act.

The point is to think outside the box. Here are a few more ideas for you to grab onto: Go to a super market at a specified time (I explain this technique in my book, Winning Points with the Woman in Your Life One Touchdown at a Time, but it’s too lengthy to go over here), go to your local coffee shop, search your local newspaper for social events such as holiday hay rides, pancake breakfasts, library socials, etc.

A little side note for those of you who are bitterly shy: In a football game, “freezing” occurs when a player holds the ball for a long period of time without attempting to score points. You can’t “freeze” if you want to participate in the game of love. You MUST forgo shyness. You will never make it onto the playing field until you do. There is nothing anyone can say or do, no magic potions or pills and no amount of coaching that will do this for you. Practice in the mirror or on a friend to help you overcome it. Join a theater group and get on stage. That will throw you into the spotlight and may help you overcome your fears.

Many of you are reading this article because you have had the same results in your dating experiences over and over again. How can you change that pattern? It’s a very easy solution, but one that takes a lot of work when you have a pattern you have engrained in your subconscious mind and that is: If you want the same results, do the same things you have always done. If you want different results, you must do something different!

Winning Points With The Woman In Your Life One Touchdown At A Time a Simon and Schuster / Fireside book written by Jaci Rae is driving football loving men and women right into their end zones by tackling the subject of improving romantic relationships.

Winning Points shows readers how to score big points with their partner. Peppered throughout Winning Points are football trivia stats to hold the interest of even the most reluctant reader as well as insight and football career highlights by some of the most celebrated NFL Football players in its history.

NFL players know the importance of communication during a game and Winning Points teaches you the same strategies NFL players use to score touchdowns and win the game.

“I’ve always believed that to communicate well you have to get to a place where people will not only hear you but understand what you are saying. You can’t be an outsider looking in, you have to be a participant and interact in their world.” says Rae.

“If you don’t understand the language of your partner, communication errors will happen and conflict will arise. A perfect example would be when I was in Australia with some friends. We all spoke English. It’s Australians primary language as a matter of fact.

Yet when my friends and I were there we found many of the words we used had completely different meanings than intended. Several ordinary words used in most American households referencing a purse and a brand name clothing line in the U.S. had extreme sexual connotations that we didn’t know about until after we spoke them.

Once we learned their ‘language,’ we communicated without error and of course we stopped wearing clothing by that brand while we were in Australia! The point is; if you want to have a long lasting, life-fulfilling relationship, you’ve got to make a decision to learn the rules of engagement and learn the language. Love is a decision, NOT a feeling. It’s a gift, NOT a right.” states Jaci Rae.

If you don’t already have a woman or a man in your life, it may seem extraordinarily hard to meet the right person. Maybe you’ve done the online dating scene and found that it isn’t all that it’s hyped up to be. Often, the people involved (men and women) don’t measure up to their profiles or pictures. Because we have a select group of friends, we tend to see the same people at all the functions, B-B-Q’s, parties and other events. Same faces with the same stories that become all too familiar. So where do you meet compatible and available singles? Before I go any further, let me preface this by stating something I am certain everyone has heard. Before you can find the “right person,” you must be the “right person.” Sound familiar? You can be given all the information you need to find someone; but if you are the same person with the same values and beliefs about yourself you have always held, you will attract the same. The law of attraction is: Similar kinds attract similar kinds. So first you must get your own life together and stop putting out the “I’m desperate to be in a relationship; and if I just found one, I would calm down and be happy.” You need to calm down and be happy before you meet the right person or you will end up in the same cycle you have always been, “with the wrong person.”

Enough of that…let’s move onto the dating room. The dating room is a place I define where someone can go in order to meet other singles with similar interests. A good way to begin to find your dating room is to think about things that interest you (maybe you have always wanted to try skiing) or hobbies you already have. Once you do this, you can find a club that caters to people of that specific interest. All across America there are car clubs, sports clubs, dance clubs, checkers clubs, chess clubs, water-skiing clubs, snow clubs, dog clubs, you name it.

Once you have a few ideas written down, you can begin to gather the necessary information about the clubs or events that occur in your city or region. Look in your local newspaper for a variety of interesting options, including neighborhood picnics, firemen breakfasts, charity singles auctions (where dates with local men and women are auctioned off for charity), travel tours, public dances (ones not held in a bar or a pub, such as a beginner’s square dance), charity events or even a beginner’s salsa dance night. For dances, make sure that it’s not a “partner necessary” event by calling ahead.

Other search options are to type in your Internet Browser: www.citysearch.com to find out the local happenings in your area. Another effective way to meet someone would be to volunteer for a charity, such as the Special Olympics, Make-A-Wish Foundation, United Way or UNICEF, to name a few. It’s important to participate with sincerity, but you may also meet your soul mate there. You may find someone who will most likely have the same philanthropic views that you do.

Finally, while I don’t know anyone who has participated in the Singles International Club, I have heard of it. Check out your local chapter (search the Internet for specifics) as they hold dances and picnics for singles to meet. They also have the Singles Travel International Club. This is just a short list of good meeting places to get the ball rolling. However, no matter which place you choose to go, remember that in all of your approaches it’s best not to try to be “suave” or “debonair.” Be yourself. Smile so that your eyes shine and be genuine. You will go much further if you behave in a kind manner than if you put on an act.

The point is to think outside the box. Here are a few more ideas for you to grab onto: Go to a super market at a specified time (I explain this technique in my book, Winning Points with the Woman in Your Life One Touchdown at a Time, but it’s too lengthy to go over here), go to your local coffee shop, search your local newspaper for social events such as holiday hay rides, pancake breakfasts, library socials, etc.

A little side note for those of you who are bitterly shy: In a football game, “freezing” occurs when a player holds the ball for a long period of time without attempting to score points. You can’t “freeze” if you want to participate in the game of love. You MUST forgo shyness. You will never make it onto the playing field until you do. There is nothing anyone can say or do, no magic potions or pills and no amount of coaching that will do this for you. Practice in the mirror or on a friend to help you overcome it. Join a theater group and get on stage. That will throw you into the spotlight and may help you overcome your fears.

Every time the phone rings, our heart jumps with joyous celebration. A night or day on the town with them becomes a celebration of time well invested.

Each passing day we get to know them with deeper understanding, we celebrate all the wondrous qualities that endear them to us until we eventually make a decision to keep them in our lives on a permanent basis because they have so many fundamentally important attributes we hold dear.

During this time, we overlook certain things that seem trivial. If something bothers us, once mentioned to the other person, it’s quickly forgotten and forgiven. We focus on all the positive things we find both fascinating and alluring in our new relationship.

Then suddenly, as if the ball dropped for the final moments at midnight on Time Square, the lid blows open to a new era of the relationships where suddenly you stop celebrating and take a step back and say, “Hey! That really irritates me about you!”

Suddenly, we begin to focus on the negative qualities and attributes and forget about all the wonderful characteristics that in the past made us love them more. Forgiveness and moving on become a thing of the past.

The more we focus on the negative, the less we remember the positive and an ugly cycle begins. Then the stage is set for the downfall and complete demise of the relationship. Suddenly the relationship is all about what the other person did or didn’t do. Statements like, ‘you never…,’ ‘you always…’ and other negative superlatives become the main source of communication.

At first, the receiving partner may try to accommodate the complaining partner (and both may switch which end they are on, the receiving or the giving end). Eventually, they may give up trying to please the other partner, feeling as if nothing they do will ever be met with satisfaction, so why try.

The erosion of the relationship reaches critical mass where neither party wants to spend or invest time with the other, which will lead to problems that are even more serious. What happened? This was the perfect person a not so long ago and then suddenly they pulled a Jeckle / Hyde on you.

Where is your cherished partner? Have they disappeared? Perhaps they played some trick on your senses that caused you to see through Rose Colored glasses instead of seeing who they really were.

To help you understand what happened, let me use a common example. When you purchase your first home, excitement can alter your judgment. In order insure you’re getting a good deal, and not a dilapidated shack that may fall apart soon after closing the deal, you inspect the house very thoroughly, hiring outside inspectors for better judgment.

The deal is sealed, you move in and after a few years new paint is needed, the plumbing may begin to leak and there is a definite leak in your ceiling. Other factors in your life are adding to your frustration. The downfall of the economy has started rumors of layoffs in your company and your car is on the fritz.

You come home from a frustrating day at the office and boom, the dishwasher is broken and suddenly the house that you loved with so much passion has become a liability. You begin to list all the negatives about your home and forget about all the wonderful times you’ve spent there.

What changed? You forgot to look at the positive and the celebration has ended. That’s what may have happened in your relationship. You have forgotten all the wonderful times and have only focused on the negative. Garbage in, garbage out. Negativity in, negatively out.

Just as with the house, at first you are cautious not to end up in a bad relationship, even recruiting friends for inspection. Once you settle in and the hormones that course through the veins of those “in love” fade. (It’s really “in chemical,” but that’s another article). The cracks start showing and your focus shifts from the positive to the negative until eventually you can’t see beyond the negative.

So how can you turn the tide? How can you get the love, passion and esteem back you once held for the person in your life? By beginning the celebration again. I’m not saying you have Pollyanna out or that problems don’t need to be addressed, but take a poem I wrote to heart, ” It’s surprising how when you accept people for what they are and who they are, they become exactly what you had hoped they would be.’

If you start slowly focusing on the positive attributes about your partner, it will soften your heart to a place where compromise and solutions start to replace bitter anger and hurt.

To start the process, begin making a list of all the wonderful things that drew you to this person in the beginning. Write all of them down and go over the list. Don’t talk back to yourself with statements like, ‘Yeah, but they aren’t like that anymore.’ That’s not the point of this exercise.

The point of this exercise is to reach out beyond the justice you feel your entitled too and straight into the mercy that is necessary to not only help you understand the flaws but come to a point of sincere emotional availability that will help both of you reach an end of the argument and a beginning of genuine communication that leads to results.

Another exercise you can partake in is something I call Soul Gazing. Soul Gazing can take a couple on the brink of implosion and help put perspective, understanding and compassion back into the mix. I have seen couples who had been fighting for years say, ‘Wow! I felt his pain.’ Or ‘I understand her needs.’ And real change begins.

It’s an uncomplicated method of gazing into your partner’s eyes; the eyes in this case really are the windows to the soul. The exercise takes about 15 minutes to complete, but if you’re a beginning, I suggest 2-3 minutes.

To begin, one person, usually the man needs to be on the bottom, and the other needs to sit on top of the other person with their legs wrapped around the back of the partner. Use a pillow of a soft cushion so your rump won’t be sore.

Take each other’s hands and clasp them together, and without talking or turning away. Gaze into the others eyes, intent on thinking only about that partner, emptying your mind of all negativity. Visualize them as the way you remember them in the beginning, not as you see them now.

Do this exercise at least three times a week and re-read the positive attribute affirmations you wrote about your partner at least every other day and then watch your relationship turn around in a short matter of time.

If you want the love you deserve the last piece of advice I can give is to really understand that love is a gift and it’s not a right. It’s is a decision, not a feeling. If you make the choice to make your relationship work, it will stand the test of time and you can have the enduring and deep love you deserve. Begin the celebration of each other’s souls again and let the joy enter into your lives, enveloping you for a lifetime.

One last note for women:  Be a cheerleader for your partner and you won’t regret it.  They need to know you’re on their side.

If it’s worth having, its value is worth the effort and must be worked towards.  “Having more money” (it makes it easier to buy things, but doesn’t bring love.); Purchasing “a bigger dwelling” (unless you are affluent and can hire a domestic engineer, a bigger dwelling will only keep you from your loved one while you are cleaning.); and thoughts like, “If only I were better looking.” (Attractiveness is in the eyes of the beholder.  I have noted “less than perfect” people with “eye-catching” mates.”  It really is how you feel about yourself inside that will reflect outside.) All of these unessential externals are fun, but don’t bring contentment or joy in a relationship and none of them will bring you closer to the one you love or gain true love and respect at all.

Numerous wealthy couples that have the world at their beck and call still have horrible marriages and the most hideous divorces. Isn’t that a great case in point and lesson to all of us “not so fortunate” people who aren’t blessed with their lives and the kind of money they posses; that money doesn’t make a relationship happy?

No matter you want in this world, don’t you put the effort and time into it to achieve your goal?  Why is it then that so many couples throw in the towel without putting any elbow grease into it?  Perhaps because many have bought into the Hollywood movie version.  But if you want your relationships to work, you must put in the effort and resolve so your relationship can flourish.

The most astounding and happy couples have many things in common.  A great sense of humor and hilarity about life not to mention a lot of tough work.  These factors are always a common thread for every thriving and joyful relationship I have encountered.  What the people in these relationships always say is:  ‘Work hard; don’t lay your head on the pillow angry, and resolve hurtful situations right away.’  Fundamentally however, they laugh with each other every day and laugh often.

If you feel like your relationship has lost its spark, there is a technique that can help you get the twinkle back in your love life.  What is it?  I call it Soul Gazing and it’s an uncomplicated method of gazing into your partner’s eyes.  15 minutes is the time you are shooting for, but to start out, I suggest 2-3 minutes.

No talking is involved and you must look into each other eyes without turning away. Soul Gazing has strengthened couples who were very happy in their relationship and has helped save ones that were about to collapse.

If you want the love you deserve the last piece of advice I can give is to really understand that Love is a gift and it’s not a right. It’s is a decision, not a feeling.  If you make the choice to make your relationship work it will stand the test of time and you can have the enduring and deep love you deserve.

The world of online dating has changed a lot since then and has shed the stigma of being for geeks, freaks and desperado’s.  Online dating has exploded so much in the last few years that it has become more of a normal action than a hidden behavior.  Instead of being a geek, you are considered part of the “in” crowd. 

Because our society has become even more transient and a lot busier than any other time in history, online dating has secured a spot as a normal meeting place and is considered a mainstream part of our social sphere.

People don’t have the “time” to get out and meet people the “old fashioned way.”  It’s much easier to log on while you’re waiting in an airport, laying exhausted in a hotel, or trying to catch lunch on the go in a café that has free wireless. 

People who are tired of the bar scene and the same old selection around their home town have found a new outlet and are looking for a more varied choice in their partner.  It’s become the hot spot for singles and has been featured on some of the most watched shows and read about in just about every newspaper and magazine available.  Young, old, rich, poor and in-between have found love and romance online.   

Sites like perfectmatch.com (thanks to the movie / infomercial launch), eharmony.com and others have millions of hopeful daters and mate seekers who use these networks to find their perfect match.  Since 2003, more than100 million people have tried online dating. 

With so many people logging on for love these days and the plethora of people available for viewing at a click of a button, how can you distinguish yourself from the pack?  It all comes down to your “hook” better known as your headline and how compelling you can make it be. 

Face it, if the storefront doesn’t look good, who will go into the store to buy the merchandise or at least view it?  So you must make a compelling enough hook to persuade someone to want to enter your store.   Whatever you do, don’t lie or exaggerate.  You don’t want to waste precious resources. 

If the perfect person were to enter your store thinking there was water-skiing, sports and fun inside and instead they found a book store filled with historical fiction, they will run faster than a cheetah in the other direction and will have never walked through the secret door that says, ‘that’s what I want to do, I just don’t know how to do it yet.’

Stick to basics and to the truth.  They will eventually find out what you look like, your habits and hobbies and how you behave as well as your likes and dislikes anyway, so why not start out on the right foot.  Honesty is always the best policy. 

No one can create a hook for you, that’s like asking someone who doesn’t write songs to write the greatest selling hook for your future song.  Think hard and don’t be cheesy or sleazy unless that’s the type of person you are looking for, a one night stand. 

Once a potential date gets past the headline, write a compelling profile that leaves something to the imagination.  Be sure to include a recent photo of yourself, not one that was taken when your body was ripped.  You won’t be able to lose the weight or define your abs in the short time it takes for someone to want to meet you for coffee. 

When writing your profile jot down things you know about and love to do, not what you would like to know about and would love to do but never have tried, unless you state that clearly.  If you say, ‘I have always wanted to go skiing, but have never had the opportunity.  I am looking for someone who wouldn’t mind skiing with a novice or is a novice themselves…,’ someone is more likely to appreciate you and find you compelling enough to send you a wink. 

You haven’t bragged and aren’t being cocky.  You’ll appear to be an honest person and people will want to be part of your life.  Be careful because there are a lot of scammers online who want to take advantage of a nice person just because they can.  If you have unique talents or gifts, use them to set yourself apart.  Again, don’t brag.  Do you really want to be hanging with someone who likes conceited and arrogant people?

Steer clear of negativity.  Someone who is a great person will definitely pass you by if you start talking smack about ex’s or what you don’t like and/or are tired of.  Stick to what you like and what you are looking for.  Make the profile brief.  Two to four paragraphs is enough (more than enough if you do four).  You can catch up more in a conversation via email or phone. 

These are just a few tips for you to chew on.  Make sure you update your profile often and don’t leave it stale.  Most important, be safe online.  There are a lot of prowlers out there who aren’t what they say they are.  Always meet in an open and well populated area during daylight hours and always drive your own car.  Never give out your home address or phone number when you are first getting to know someone online.  Good luck and may love find its way into your heart and stay!

The waiting game is probably the worst game that anyone plays and the only one where winning control over our minds seems impossible.  Numerous questions ominously loom in our minds when he or she hasn’t called after the first date.  “Didn’t he / she like me?”  “Did I wear the wrong outfit?”  “Did I offend them?”  “Maybe they met someone else.”

To aid in calming your nerves and get you back on track, helping you stop the cycle of personal doubt and feeling like your stock has plummeted, please read on because here are a few strategies you need to take to heart and put into action:

1.  In order to stop thinking about them you must distract yourself.  Go to a friend’s house and watch an action movie or mystery thriller you’ve never seen before. Whatever you do, DON’T watch a romantic movie and forget about reading a book; something will always remind you of them.  This will help you establish the attitude of:  ‘I’ll see them when I see them.’

They will call if they’re interested and if they’re just waiting to call until they don’t have anything better to do, don’t make time for them!  A good rule of thumb is, if they don’t have time for you, you most certainly do not have time for them.

2.  Stop wondering where they are and asking yourself if they’re out with someone else.  They might be, but worrying about it won’t change the fact that you are hunkering down at home feeling sorry for yourself.  Get proactive and get involved in life.  Who needs someone who doesn’t value them?  You don’t!  Join a club.  Call some friends for a bike journey or a board game, but don’t sit home waiting wondering.  An active imagination is great if you’re a creator or inventor, but if your imagination is only active because you’re insecure about where you stand with someone, you’re just beating yourself up with unnecessary worry that won’t change anything.  If you can’t seem to get past it, then call and ask straight out what the deal is.  That way you’ll at least have an answer that will help you make a more informed decision.

3.  Stop asking yourself the question of why didn’t he or she call.  There is usually only one answer (possibly two) to this question and that’s because they weren’t interested enough to do so.  However, you can give them the benefit of the doubt.  Perhaps a family emergency came up or they were sick.  Only accept this excuse once.  If it becomes a habit, you’re back burner bait and they’re just hanging you on a string.  Forget about them.  If the latter is the case you need to stop sitting around wondering why. Start meeting other people that will be worthy of dating you. 

The best thing for you to do in all cases is to stay active and move on with your life until it either works in your favor or you get the answer of ‘not interested’ from them.  Once you become active, seeking out safari adventures or just a day at the beach, you’ll add value to your stock and the right person will come along for you.

Even if a condom was used, there are no guarantees of complete safety. In fact, some STD’s go on without detection. One such STD is the Human Papillomavirus, more commonly known as “genital warts.”

The U.S. Dept. of Health stated the following: “Human Papillomavirus (HPV) is one of the most common causes of sexually transmitted infection (STI) in the world. Many people infected with HPV have no symptoms.

High-risk HPV may cause abnormal Pap smear results, and could lead to cancers of the cervix, vulva, vagina, anus, or penis.” Considering the consequences, as soon as one discovers that a partner has cheated, they should be tested for various forms of STDs including AIDS.

Even if a partner says the other person is safe, automatically trusting their word is not in anyone’s best interests. If the partner has already lied and cheated, trusting them with safety issues is incongruous.

When all is said and done, is saying I’m sorry enough? Unfortunately, many people believe, once a cheater, always a cheater and sadly, some people have a predilection for cheating. Saying I’m sorry may just be an attempt at going through the motions.

If that is the case, there is nothing the non-cheating person can do to stop their partner from cheating and therefore saying I’m sorry, is not enough. But if one is truly sorry for the indiscretion, and both agree to work on the marriage, seeking the expertise of a qualified counselor is paramount.

Because the pain of cheating runs very deep, in order to deal with painful feelings it is best to get the help of someone who can take the partners step by step through the healing process. Additionally, a counselor will be able to help the non-cheating partner determine whether or not an “I’m sorry,” is enough to keep the relationship intact.

In short, maintaining a stable, happy relationship doesn’t come easily or without work. One of the keys to a fulfilling relationship is making sure to keep the lines of communication open. To do so requires telling the truth and being willing to share real feelings.

To have a happy, successful relationship takes a great deal of patience, practice and persistence. Because there is nothing more precious than having another person in your life that you trust implicitly, working on the relationship is worth its weight in gold.

Learning together, laughing together and investing time together on a regular basis are the key components to a successful and long-lasting relationship. After all, faithfulness and loyalty to another person reaps its own unique rewards.

Here are a few resources to help your journey to a successful relationship:

http://locator.apahelpcenter.org
http://loveisgreat.com
http://www.consum-mate.com

Anything worth having is worth working for and must be worked towards.  “Having more money” (it makes it easier to buy things, but doesn’t bring love.);

Owning “a bigger house” (unless you have the money to hire a housekeeper, it will only keep you from your love while you are cleaning.); “If I were better looking.” (Beauty really is in the eyes of the beholder.  I have seen “less than perfect” people with “stunning” mates.”  It really is about how you feel about yourself inside that will reflect outside.)  All of these superfluous externals are fun, but don’t bring happiness or peace in a relationship.

Some of the richest people in the world with every luxury at their finger tips and people at their beck and call still have the nastiest divorces time and time again. Isn’t that a great example and lesson to all of us “not so fortunate” people who aren’t blessed with their lives and the kind of money they posses; that money doesn’t make a relationship happy?

Time, effort and determination are what make a relationship thrive.  I’m not implying those people with wealth don’t put the time and effort into their relationships, only that all the things many people say, “If only we had…” won’t make your relationships last longer or be happier than theirs were.

Some of the best relationships have several things in common, one of those being laughter and a humor about life not to mention a lot of hard work.  These are always a common thread for every thriving and joyful relationship I encountered.

What the people in these relationships have always told is:  Work hard; don’t lay your head on the pillow angry, and resolve hurtful situations right away.  Fundamentally however, they laugh with each other every day and laugh often.

But if your relationship is in the deep end of the pool without a life jacket, something that can help you light the love torch in your love life is Soul Gazing.  Soul Gazing is the simple technique of gazing into your partner’s eyes.  I usually recommend 15 minutes, but in the beginning, 4-5 minutes works.

You aren’t allowed to talk or look away from each other.  I have witnessed Soul Gazing strengthen couples that were already on firm ground and help others on the brink of catastrophe.

To get the love you deserve, there is a very simple rule that I wrote about a while back:  Love is a gift, it’s not a right. It’s is a decision, not a feeling.  Make the choice to make your relationship strong so it will last the test of time and you too can have the long-lasting and profound love you deserve.

When we look at “beautiful” people” who travel the world with an endless supply of money.  They have beautiful mansions and an army of staff waiting to do their every bidding: publicists, managers, accountants, housekeepers and chiefs.”  “If only I were in their shoes.”

There is a great illustration and lesson to all of us “not so fortunate” people who aren’t blessed with their lives and the kind of money they posses; that money doesn’t make a relationship happy.  Just look in your local paper to see how many of the “beautiful people” are heading to divorce court.  Time, effort and determination are what make a relationship thrive.  I’m not implying they don’t put the time and effort into their relationships, only that all the things we say, “If only we had…” won’t make our relationships last longer or be happier than theirs were. 

If you want a lasting relationship you’ve got to laugh and have a sense of humor about life.  You also must put in the work.  At least that’s been my experience as well as the experience of many other long lasting, happy couples I have interviewed over time.  There has always been a common thread for every successful and happy relationship I have interviewed over the years.  Every one of them say the same thing:  They work hard; don’t go to bed angry, resolving “issues” right away; and they laugh with each other.

Something that can help you regain the sparkle in your love life and ignite your passion again is something I call Soul Gazing.  It’s a simple technique of gazing into your partner’s eyes.  I usually recommend 15 minutes, but in the beginning, 2-3 is fine.  No talking, no looking away.  I have seen this technique strengthen relationships that were already strong and help those relationships that were on the brink of disaster.  Try it.  If you want to have the love you deserve, remember my simple rule:  Love is a gift, it’s not a right.  Love is a decision, it’s not a feeling.  Make the decision to make your relationship right, so you too can have the lasting and deep love you deserve.

While much of what the coach talks about initially lies within the realm of football common sense and comes easily to you, there are a few nuances in the game plan that you will be unfamiliar with. Also, some of the plays are new to you and could cause complications and confusion in the season ahead if you don’t understand them.

A team’s language will guide you in how to interact and communicate with your teammates on the playing field. This language that each player must learn is full of individual components, called the “plays.” For each “play,” there is a “plan.” Each of these “plays” and “plans” has been specially formulated through years of research and scientific study, producing entire systems of proven techniques that can make winners out of the players and teams.

Once the methods were proven effective, they were gathered together and worked into a playbook for each team to base its “plays” and “plans” on. It is that playbook that each teammate must learn in order to be part of the winning team. This process is much the same as that of the “plays” and “plans” of a relationship. You need to read the manual, learn from those who are already where you want to be in their relationships and listen actively to your partner in order to learn how to speak their language. Once you learn this language, you can enter the game confidently and achieve victory!

A woman’s perception of her relationship, as well as the language she uses within a relationship may seem very complicated, and sometimes confusing. You may find particular things in her language syntax that are hard to understand and certainly difficult to interpret! And as if that weren’t enough, many women have a tendency to turn over and over in their heads most of what is said to them, finding more than what may actually be there. 

While men tend to go with the flow without over-analyzing things, women try to find out what’s behind the words they see and hear when dealing with their loved ones. This process is intuitively part of their naturally protective circuitry, helping them emotionally guard themselves and their loved ones. Have you ever heard the statement, “You don’t want to mess with Mother Bear?” This applies here because women are built as nurturers and maintain a natural curiosity about their environment, in order to help them protect themselves and those they love from perceived dangers.

This natural curiosity triggers what I like to call the “need to know” gene. Women have the “need to know” or to discover all the “information” about their surroundings and then make judgment calls as to any dangers that may affect those they love. This of course, can lead to any number of natural responses to the perceived dangers of their surroundings and an inherent desire to analyze all causes and effects. Because curiosity (analyzing) is a natural response for women, it tends to bleed over into other areas of their lives, namely their relationships.

In addition to analyzing most of what is said to them, women may often have hidden meaning in what they say, even if they don’t intend to put it there. Men are not as complicated (in a good way) with their spoken language. What men say is most often what they mean. So, why is it that so many women seem to include hidden messages behind their words? In the same way that women tend to over-analyze things, sometimes they also include hidden meaning in their spoken words. The reasons for this can be partially found by looking at the traditional upbringing and social history of women.

Parents and other adults teach women, at a very early age, that they need to be strong, confident and know what they want. They are also told that they need to be assertive and independent in order to succeed at fulfilling their dreams and desires for their future.

In reality, though, oftentimes the media image of a woman is much different. Society in general, sees images of successful women on television and in the movies that are more demure and non-aggressive, but still get what they need and desire.

The woman on television or in the media, who ends up with the man of her dreams, may have played it “coy,” playing off on her seeming “need” for the man. The media image presented is often in direct conflict with the way that a woman may have been raised. Because of these two conflicting images, women have now received mixed messages and are subjected to confusing images about the way they should behave in society. On top of this, women see the men around them as being intrigued and often fascinated by the media image of a woman, an image that may not always interconnect with the ideals and values that they, as women, were brought up with.

Because of this, women may be unsure how to present themselves and may seek to bring forward aspects of both images at the same time. As a result, they may confuse the two images, hiding their true feelings and thoughts deep within their words, all the while struggling to achieve the final goal of communicating their needs or “message” to those that participate in their lives. 

Our environment has a great deal to do with how we relate and react to each other as well as how we communicate with other people. Another huge factor in our character make-up is the individual chemistry that everyone is born with. While much has been said about how different the sexes are, how much do we actually know? The facts show that men and women are conceived equally in terms of their overall intelligence.

However, somewhere between the twelfth and fourteenth weeks of pregnancy, there is a testosterone wash that flows over the brain of a male baby. i This wash does not take place during the formation of a female baby. Let’s take a look at how the brain works and try to understand why this is so important.

Testosterone is one of the main chemicals that enable the brain to manufacture and create serotonin, which is an important neurotransmitter in the brain, causing certain nerve cells in the brain to activate and become livelier. Serotonin can also act as an inhibitor. Most neurotransmitters can act as both an exciter and an inhibitor.  Serotonin affects the brain’s interior, known as the ganglia.

The ganglia are the network of the brain, which is divided into two cells, the L cell and the R cell. Scientists believe that one of these cells makes serotonin and the other produces dopamine.

Dopamine is “a monoamine neurotransmitter formed in the brain and is essential to the normal functioning of the central nervous system. ii” Dopamine acts as an inhibitor in the ganglia, thereby causing a calming effect and dampening activity.

It is believed that during the testosterone wash, a balance between the L cells and the R cells are set, determining the amount of serotonin and dopamine that the brain’s network will use. This also determines how spatially or temporally aware a person is, with men being born more spatially aware and women more temporally aware.  A person who is spatially aware is generally a “left-brain” individual and someone who is temporally aware, is generally a “right-brain” individual.

The word “spatial” is defined as “relating to space. iii” As men are generally more spatially aware, they tend to be better at judging distances, which comes in handy during parallel parking! The word “temporal,” meanwhile, is defined as being “of or limited by time. iv”  This may explain why women seem to be able to associate time and events without much difficulty.   

You know what I am talking about here men, that little thing that really bothers men about women — she remembers everything she thinks you have done wrong and when you did it! I believe this is due in part because of a woman’s propensity for temporal awareness.

Because of the testosterone wash, men tend to be more “left- brain” oriented and women rely more readily on the “right-brain.”  “Left-brain” individuals tend to be more interested in facts, inclined to logic and reason. They are more motivated in providing for the home and usually more interested in becoming engineers, mathematicians and scientist. These are just a few career choices that a “left-brain” individual might make.

A “right-brain” individual tends to be better at, and more interested in, developing relationships and dealing with emotional issues. They are more inclined to emotions and passions and are generally more motivated by investing in the relationships of the home. Their career choices tend to put them in the roles of caregivers or into jobs where they can use their artistic, investigative and research abilities.

This is in contrast to the general tendencies of “left-brained” individual. Again, a clearer picture begins to be revealed when we look at the differences between the sexes in this light. Most men might find a leisurely reading of Popular Mechanics or Programmer’s Security Desk Reference fundamentally more interesting than reading Ladies’ Home Journal or Parent Child Magazine, while women are just the opposite.

This is simply a matter of one’s interest and NOT an intellectual issue, as both men and women can be motivated for various reasons to read on all the subjects mentioned. Remember that both sexes are born equally in terms of intelligence. 

My uncle gave me a funny example the other day of how men see women’s thought patterns when it comes to making decisions. I thought that this insight was a great example of men conquering and women looking for sequence and order before they tackle the matter at hand. 

Here’s what he had to say: “Men rule by action. Women rule by committee. For example: Man sees hill, climbs hill. Woman sees hill, forms discussion group, sets up hill climbing committee, votes for hill climbing team, schedules climb date, checks rain fall charts, does studies to locate best path, sends out scouts, and much, much, much, much later… finally climbs the hill.”

The facts stated thus far pertain only to our pre-disposition at birth. The things we experience each day, the lessons that we are taught as we move through our daily lives and the personal choices we make along the way will also be determining factors in how “left-brain” or “right-brain” we become. These factors will also directly affect our communication with and relationship to others.

The good news is that since each of us has the freedom to make personal choices, we can learn to hear and understand each other’s language when we step onto the playing field to begin practice! “Your hands made me and formed me; give me understanding to learn your commands.” Psalms 119:73

Once you step up and onto the playing field, however, you will need to hear exactly what the coach has to say during practice if you want to make it to your first game. 

 So you’ve made it into the stadium and you are now stepping onto the playing field for your first day of practice with the Dallas Cowboys. Nervous excitementcourses through your veins as the coach talks about the various formations he is going to run the team through and begins to discuss the different play calls and strategies he will be using during this season’s games.

While much of what the coach talks about initially lies within the realm of football common sense and comes easily to you, there are a few nuances in the game plan that you will be unfamiliar with. Also, some of the plays are new to you and could cause complications and confusion in the season ahead if you don’t understand them.

A team’s language will guide you in how to interact and communicate with your teammates on the playing field. This language that each player must learn is full of individual components, called the “plays.” For each “play,” there is a “plan.” Each of these “plays” and “plans” has been specially formulated through years of research and scientific study, producing entire systems of proven techniques that can make winners out of the players and teams.

Once the methods were proven effective, they were gathered together and worked into a playbook for each team to base its “plays” and “plans” on. It is that playbook that each teammate must learn in order to be part of the winning team. This process is much the same as that of the “plays” and “plans” of a relationship. You need to read the manual, learn from those who are already where you want to be in their relationships and listen actively to your partner in order to learn how to speak their language. Once you learn this language, you can enter the game confidently and achieve victory!

A woman’s perception of her relationship, as well as the language she uses within a relationship may seem very complicated, and sometimes confusing. You may find particular things in her language syntax that are hard to understand and certainly difficult to interpret! And as if that weren’t enough, many women have a tendency to turn over and over in their heads most of what is said to them, finding more than what may actually be there. 

While men tend to go with the flow without over-analyzing things, women try to find out what’s behind the words they see and hear when dealing with their loved ones. This process is intuitively part of their naturally protective circuitry, helping them emotionally guard themselves and their loved ones. Have you ever heard the statement, “You don’t want to mess with Mother Bear?” This applies here because women are built as nurturers and maintain a natural curiosity about their environment, in order to help them protect themselves and those they love from perceived dangers.

This natural curiosity triggers what I like to call the “need to know” gene. Women have the “need to know” or to discover all the “information” about their surroundings and then make judgment calls as to any dangers that may affect those they love. This of course, can lead to any number of natural responses to the perceived dangers of their surroundings and an inherent desire to analyze all causes and effects. Because curiosity (analyzing) is a natural response for women, it tends to bleed over into other areas of their lives, namely their relationships.

In addition to analyzing most of what is said to them, women may often have hidden meaning in what they say, even if they don’t intend to put it there. Men are not as complicated (in a good way) with their spoken language. What men say is most often what they mean. So, why is it that so many women seem to include hidden messages behind their words? In the same way that women tend to over-analyze things, sometimes they also include hidden meaning in their spoken words. The reasons for this can be partially found by looking at the traditional upbringing and social history of women.

Parents and other adults teach women, at a very early age, that they need to be strong, confident and know what they want. They are also told that they need to be assertive and independent in order to succeed at fulfilling their dreams and desires for their future.

In reality, though, oftentimes the media image of a woman is much different. Society in general, sees images of successful women on television and in the movies that are more demure and non-aggressive, but still get what they need and desire.

The woman on television or in the media, who ends up with the man of her dreams, may have played it “coy,” playing off on her seeming “need” for the man. The media image presented is often in direct conflict with the way that a woman may have been raised. Because of these two conflicting images, women have now received mixed messages and are subjected to confusing images about the way they should behave in society. On top of this, women see the men around them as being intrigued and often fascinated by the media image of a woman, an image that may not always interconnect with the ideals and values that they, as women, were brought up with.

Because of this, women may be unsure how to present themselves and may seek to bring forward aspects of both images at the same time. As a result, they may confuse the two images, hiding their true feelings and thoughts deep within their words, all the while struggling to achieve the final goal of communicating their needs or “message” to those that participate in their lives. 

Our environment has a great deal to do with how we relate and react to each other as well as how we communicate with other people. Another huge factor in our character make-up is the individual chemistry that everyone is born with. While much has been said about how different the sexes are, how much do we actually know? The facts show that men and women are conceived equally in terms of their overall intelligence.

However, somewhere between the twelfth and fourteenth weeks of pregnancy, there is a testosterone wash that flows over the brain of a male baby. i This wash does not take place during the formation of a female baby. Let’s take a look at how the brain works and try to understand why this is so important.

Testosterone is one of the main chemicals that enable the brain to manufacture and create serotonin, which is an important neurotransmitter in the brain, causing certain nerve cells in the brain to activate and become livelier. Serotonin can also act as an inhibitor. Most neurotransmitters can act as both an exciter and an inhibitor.  Serotonin affects the brain’s interior, known as the ganglia.

The ganglia are the network of the brain, which is divided into two cells, the L cell and the R cell. Scientists believe that one of these cells makes serotonin and the other produces dopamine.

Dopamine is “a monoamine neurotransmitter formed in the brain and is essential to the normal functioning of the central nervous system. ii” Dopamine acts as an inhibitor in the ganglia, thereby causing a calming effect and dampening activity.

It is believed that during the testosterone wash, a balance between the L cells and the R cells are set, determining the amount of serotonin and dopamine that the brain’s network will use. This also determines how spatially or temporally aware a person is, with men being born more spatially aware and women more temporally aware.  A person who is spatially aware is generally a “left-brain” individual and someone who is temporally aware, is generally a “right-brain” individual.

The word “spatial” is defined as “relating to space. iii” As men are generally more spatially aware, they tend to be better at judging distances, which comes in handy during parallel parking! The word “temporal,” meanwhile, is defined as being “of or limited by time. iv”  This may explain why women seem to be able to associate time and events without much difficulty. 

You know what I am talking about here men, that little thing that really bothers men about women — she remembers everything she thinks you have done wrong and when you did it! I believe this is due in part because of a woman’s propensity for temporal awareness.

Because of the testosterone wash, men tend to be more “left- brain” oriented and women rely more readily on the “right-brain.”  “Left-brain” individuals tend to be more interested in facts, inclined to logic and reason. They are more motivated in providing for the home and usually more interested in becoming engineers, mathematicians and scientist. These are just a few career choices that a “left-brain” individual might make.

A “right-brain” individual tends to be better at, and more interested in, developing relationships and dealing with emotional issues. They are more inclined to emotions and passions and are generally more motivated by investing in the relationships of the home. Their career choices tend to put them in the roles of caregivers or into jobs where they can use their artistic, investigative and research abilities.

This is in contrast to the general tendencies of “left-brained” individual. Again, a clearer picture begins to be revealed when we look at the differences between the sexes in this light. Most men might find a leisurely reading of Popular Mechanics or Programmer’s Security Desk Reference fundamentally more interesting than reading Ladies’ Home Journal or Parent Child Magazine, while women are just the opposite.

This is simply a matter of one’s interest and NOT an intellectual issue, as both men and women can be motivated for various reasons to read on all the subjects mentioned. Remember that both sexes are born equally in terms of intelligence. 

My uncle gave me a funny example the other day of how men see women’s thought patterns when it comes to making decisions. I thought that this insight was a great example of men conquering and women looking for sequence and order before they tackle the matter at hand. 

Here’s what he had to say: “Men rule by action. Women rule by committee. For example: Man sees hill, climbs hill. Woman sees hill, forms discussion group, sets up hill climbing committee, votes for hill climbing team, schedules climb date, checks rain fall charts, does studies to locate best path, sends out scouts, and much, much, much, much later… finally climbs the hill.”

The facts stated thus far pertain only to our pre-disposition at birth. The things we experience each day, the lessons that we are taught as we move through our daily lives and the personal choices we make along the way will also be determining factors in how “left-brain” or “right-brain” we become. These factors will also directly affect our communication with and relationship to others.

The good news is that since each of us has the freedom to make personal choices, we can learn to hear and understand each other’s language when we step onto the playing field to begin practice! “Your hands made me and formed me; give me understanding to learn your commands.” Psalms 119:73

Once you step up and onto the playing field, however, you will need to hear exactly what the coach has to say during practice if you want to make it to your first game.

Much to our chagrin, things are pretty much the same as they were High School.  The only difference is perhaps we are in better shape (hopefully), have more money in our pockets and we have settled more into our life.  Even though High School may be a thing of the past, often we ask the same question and still get that same sense of nervous anticipation before we embark on a first date with someone. 

For many, dating is a mind boggling and very nerve-racking experience even for the most skilled and savvy dater.  Recently, I asked both men and women who dated frequently (3-4 times a week on average) if they still had first date jitters.  The same answer echoed through 93% and that was a booming, “Yes!”

Although the seemingly confident and beautiful people who had a never-ending supply of potential dates as well as a line of prospective suitors, still got first date jitters.  So for those singles that still have troubling memories of their past dating experiences, how do you jump into the dating pool and begin to swim again?  Unlike swimming in a pool filled with water, don’t dive into the deep end of the dating pool first, even if you remember how to swim.  There may be sharks lurking, waiting to attack.  It’s always best if you start in the shallow end of the pool. 

How do you jump into a pool that you’ve been out of for a while without drowning?  The same way you learned when you begin, by putting one foot in at a time.    The first step might be to head to a charity event in your area.  Why not participate in something that is harmless and be a philanthropist at the same time.  If you love to help others, most likely you will find others just like you at the even with similar interest. 

Try not to be nervous, but because most of us usually are, you will need to prepare for your first encounter just as you would if you were vying for a promotion at work.  Practice ahead of time!  Make up little 3×5 flash cards with subjects that interest you.  Ones that you can easily hold a conversation about with ease.  You can also use questions that are conversation initiators (forget about the weather, that’s a dried up subject). 

The following are a few subjects you can use that are sure to spark some sort of interest and stimulate a conversation:

1. Liven up the tête-à-tête with topics of any new travels you may have embarked on.
2. Ask questions about their career and what made them decide on the field they are in.
3. Talk about your family (positively)
4. Ask about their family (if they shy away, you need to also)

These are just a few examples of conversation topics.  If you become stuck and aren’t able to think of anymore conversation stimulators on your own, scour the Internet for the myriad of resources on the topic of conversation.

Besides a charity event, what other places can you find a dating pool in your area?  There are many.  Just look in your local newspaper.  But here are a few starters for you.

Coffee Café’s
Sporting clubs (the kind that you actually participate in sports)
Sporting Events that are hosted for singles or by specialty functions
Take a course or a few courses at a junior college or community center
Grocery Stores or outlets

The most important thing to consider when you’re swimming in the dating pool is to avoid distasteful manners.  That’s protocol is determined by the pool you are in.  Good luck and remember, start at the shallow end before you dive into the deep waters, a life vest may not be available.

What changed society’s willingness to discuss and view sex in an open forum? The term Sexual Revolution was first noted in 1929, when Thurber and White used the expression in their book, Is Sex Necessary? However, some historians believe the sexual revolution actually began in the 1960s. Prior to the 1960s, society, as a whole, had a very puritanical view of sex and sex was not openly discussed.

Skip a few decades to the explosion of the Internet and an entirely new kind of sexual revolution began. No longer was sex a veiled and taboo subject that could cause a scandal. Nor was sex hidden in a stack of magazines, secret drawers or a stash of DVDs on a hush-hush closet shelf. It was a wide-open arena for anyone to participate in.

The new sexual revolution focused on sexual freedom and experimentation. The Internet “superhighway” gave easy access to sexual content in a way society had never experienced before.

Chat rooms and instant messaging became the new form of “meeting” and “communicating” with other people. Mega “super stars” were sometimes unwittingly born from taped sexual escapades in “private” trysts. (Pamela Anderson, Tommy Lee, and Paris Hilton are the most notable.)

The question is has society, as a whole, become a better place now that knowledge of any kind is so easily accessible? There are pros and cons. A few of the extraordinary assets of the Internet are:

• Research can be done on a much broader scale and performed with a lot more ease.
• Information can be disseminated more rapidly.
• The exposure to various cultures and societies is much more obtainable whether or not you can travel.

Moreover, the chance for running your own business is available to anyone.

However, the incredible downside is that our society has become:

• Lazier.
• More overweight.
• More disconnected.
• Face-to-face social skills are rapidly declining.
• The moral gauge of society is becoming obscured.
• Sexual predators have gained much easier access to their prey.

In addition, cheating on a partner is a click away and a lot easier to hide. Today, meeting someone on the Internet from anywhere in the world is easy, and many justify cyber-sex as mere flirtation and do not classify it as cheating.

Because of the free-for-all, cyber-sex and cyber-affairs have run rampant. The divorce rate at 38% only a few years ago, is climbing to over 50%. *(National Center for Health Statistic based on 46 reporting states. This measurement is based on per capita.)

In addition to a higher rate of divorce, young children, pre-teens and teenagers have been given carte blanche access to the Internet. They are being exposed to sexual predators and pornography at an alarming rate as Internet addiction is reaching epidemic proportion.

The backlash from the massive exposure of the Internet Sexual Revolution, coupled with the social abandonment, has come at a great cost to humanity and the relationships we value.

While the Internet does offer a vast world of possibilities and exciting exploration of the world around us, without limitations it has become an addictive hazard that people, for the most part, unintentionally use to destroy their families and relationships. Moreover, overuse is known to cause problems physically, financially and emotionally.

The Internet is a great tool to utilize. But it’s just that, a tool. However, for too many people their Internet connection has become their friend, lover and world. The utopian culture Internet addicts create for themselves is becoming a large-scale dilemma.

What is the solution to the worldwide problem? The only answer is for society to begin reconnecting to the real world and curb their enthusiasm for their computers and the technology that runs them. The Internet is not the adversary; it’s the uncontrolled use of the Internet that causes problems in all areas of an addict’s life.

*It should be noted that the higher rate of divorce was not blamed on the use of the Internet. Some studies cited the ease of which divorce is now available as one of the contributing factors in the rise of divorce.

On a romantic getaway, a couple is whisking themselves away to a fantasy destination where they may believe all the troubles and problems in their world will melt away.  While a romantic getaway vacation can temporarily improve a rocky relationship, it is only a band aide for a problem that the couple must take proactive measures once they return from their romantic destination in order avoid becoming relationship road kill.

If a couple wants to improve their relationship they will need to start working through to the heart of their problems, working on communication and trust issues. Seeking out a qualified counselor to act as a buffer and intermediary can vastly improve a couple’s view of each other, and learning to reconnect by using a technique I call Soul Gazing will help put the spark back in their eyes and that dating feeling back in their hearts.

The Soul Gazing technique I am referring too is much like the game many people played as children of starring into another’s eyes, without blinking or speaking. However, in this case, the object is not to make the other laugh, but to gaze into the soul of the other person. 2-3 minutes to start works best. Once the couple has that down, they need to work into 15-minutes and this technique will actually help the couple break through some of their barriers.

Couples need to understand that love is a decision that is made daily. It’s not a feeling (that’s all about actual chemical’s that flow through our bodies when we are in the flush state of crush. It’s what I call The Chemistry of Love.)

Something else couples need to remember is that love is a gift, it’s not a right. Gifts are not meant to be taken lightly (except the ones that are meant to be funny of course!); a gift is something one person has given to another with great thought behind it.

A saucy vacation or romantic getaway won’t release old pain and wounds that are caused by a lack of communication and broken promises; it will only provide a temporary patch that will eventually wear off, exposing a deeper and more festering wound. Take a healthy and proactive role in your relationship if you want to insure a long and healthy life with your partner. Studies have shown that a healthy and happy relationship may also lead to a much healthier and long lived life as well!

Everyone is different. You will have your own thoughts of what that perfect mate will be like; however, you may not find that perfect mate the first time or even second time around. A relationship is something that you have to take slowly. You have to build up to a relationship, through dating first. Once you have dated and know that you are compatible you can then start getting past dating into a relationship stage. It will take some time, but it will be something that you will know when its time to move on in the relationship.

You need to make sure you are getting the love you deserve when you are in any relationship. You don’t want to be in a relationship where communication is not happening. You don’t want to fight about everything. This is not a good way to get the love and respect that you deserve. You have to be able to see these things and act on them. You are the one that wants to be happy. If you are not happy with the way things are going then a relationship for the two of you may not be in the cards. With that in mind, no relationship is easy. It takes work and some time. You will know when things are right and when they are not.

Saving a relationship that is in trouble can be a hard task, but some relationships are worth saving. You will know if your relationship falls in this category. If you are just having some bad times, these times will pass. It is not good to throw away a good thing when all you need to do is reconnect and get past the bad times. You will take it one step at a time, in order to save the relationship.

There is nothing easy about any of the above mentioned things. It is hard work to keep a relationship in good standings. You both have to be willing to work at it. You can never just let it work itself out, for that is just a cause for trouble. The best thing to do is sit down and talk about it. Be ready to listen and understand what each of you are saying. Then come to an agreement on how to fix those problems. You have to try in order to succeed.